Granny Weatherwax was firmly against fiction. 'Don't worry, I shouldn't think it's had time to get far away,' said Nanny. Sometimes life reaches that desperate point where the wrong thing to do has to be the right thing to do. She felt the same feeling she’d felt back home. ![]() People always tended to assume that she could cope, as if capability went with mass, like gravity. They said love always found a way and, of course, so did a number of associated activities. Loosely worded sayings can really cause misunderstandings. ![]() That is to say, they went to bed at the same time as the chickens went to bed, and got up at the same time as the cows got up. Most people in Lancre, as the saying goes, went to bed with the chickens and got up with the cows.* ‘Not found it yet, Esme,’ said Nanny brightly. ‘Gytha, is there anything in the whole world you can’t make sound grubby?’ ‘Now, has anyone got a bottle of beer?’ (Ma)Īt home Granny Weatherwax slept with open windows and an unlocked door, secure in the knowledge that the Ramtops’ various creatures of the night would rather eat their own ears than break in. ‘Anyone got something to drink a bottle of beer out of?’ ah, has anybody got an opener for a bottle of beer?’Ī man in the corner indicated that he might have such a thing. ‘I can see you haven’t been with the opera for long, dear.’ (Ma) ‘You mean you just see things that are really there?’ he said. If she had anything to do with it, anyway. A day ago the future had looked aching and desolate, and now it looked full of surprises and terror and bad things happening to people…. Granny looked out at the dull grey sky and the dying leaves and felt, amazingly enough, her sap rising. ‘I couldn’t subtract a fart from a plate of beans.’ (Ma) ‘Oh, you know me, Esme’ said Nanny cheerfully. Now she drew a circle around the final figure. ‘You never have been very good at numbers, have you?’ said Granny. It invariably showed that she was going to enjoy a refreshing drink which she almost certainly was not going to pay for. Nanny Ogg could see the future in the froth on a beermug. Instead, people would take pains to tell her that beauty was only skin-deep, as if a man ever fell for an attractive pair of kidneys. No one had asked her, before she was born, whether she’d want a lovely personality or whether she’d prefer, say, a miserable personality but a body that could take size 9 in dresses. She had to nibble it into manageable bits. It was certainly impossible for her to get a whole idea into her head in one go. And Christine was just like a small fluffy animal. Not liking Christine would be like not liking small fluffy animals. This meant she was approximately two womanhoods from anywhere else. (Ma)Īgnes was, Nanny considered, quite good-looking in an expansive kind of way she was a fine figure of typical Lancre womanhood. It wasn't the medicine that did the trick though. ![]() She'd long ago been resigned to the fact that people expected a bottle of something funny-coloured and sticky. You just pointed your voice at the end of the verse and went for it. Lancre's only other singer of note was Nanny Ogg, whose attitude to songs was purely ballistic. The people of Lancre thought that marriage was a very serious step that ought to be done properly, so they practiced quite a lot. (Ma)īonnie Quarney had been gathering nuts in May with William Simple, and it was only because she'd thought ahead and taken a little advice from Nanny that she wouldn't be bearing fruit in February. The first frost of the season, a petal nipping, fruit-withering little scorcher that showed you why they called Nature a mother. Sometimes she went to bed as early as 6 a.m. It took some time for outlying regions to come to rest. (Ma)Īnd he dreamed the dream of all those who publish books, which was to have so much gold in your pockets that you would have to employ two people just to hold your trousers up. There was no point freezing your nadgers off on top of some mountain while communing with the Infinite unless you could rely on a lot of impressionable young women to come along occasionally and say ‘Gosh’. People who didn’t need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn’t need people. Nanny Ogg found herself embarrassed even to think about this, and this was unusual because embarrassment normally came as naturally to Nanny as altruism comes to a cat.
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